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Living Will

Jun. 27th, 2008 | 11:06 pm

this was shared with me by a friend. i modified it a bit according to my preferences. anybody is free to do the same :)

LIVING WILL FORM:

I ________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who could not pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or, lawyers, doctors, and hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a bag of Cheetos ______Chocolate ______a glass of Syrah_______a Glass of Chardonnay ______Bailey’s on the rocks______an order of halibut tacos from Don Jose’s ______sushi
______a bowl of ice cream ______the next of George RR Martin’s or any of JRR Tolkien’s books ______talk to my child and spouse
AND/OR ______Sex

It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___USE my digital PIN :-)______________

Date: ________6/27/08______________________
Witness_______________________
Witness_______________________


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Life Before Death

Apr. 12th, 2008 | 06:22 pm

A series of striking pictures of people before their death and postmortem
Life Before Death

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Affection

Feb. 14th, 2008 | 09:39 pm

I saw this picture in the nurses' breakroom today. I thought it was incredibly touching.
Recently I read an article saying that researches find increasing evidence that animals, not only humans, are capable of expressing affection, not only in a mother-baby relationship, but in  same sex 'friendship' as well as between species. And while the monkey is still young and probably looking for a mommy substitute, a pigeon seems like an unlikely creature to fill the void in the baby monkeys life

They're an odd couple in every sense but a monkey and a pigeon have become inseparable at an animal sanctuary in China.

The 12-week-old macaque - who was abandoned by his mother - was close to death when it was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province.

After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless - until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon.

The blossoming relationship helped to revive the macaque who has developed a new lease of life, say staff at the sanctuary.

Now the unlikely duo are never far from each other's side, but they aren't the only ones to strike up an unusual friendship.

Earlier this year a pig adopted a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets because his mother couldn't feed him.

And in 2005 a baby deer named Mi-Lu befriended lurcher Geoffrey at the Knowsley Animal Park in Merseyside after she was rejected by her mother.




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Who are these lovers?

Jan. 21st, 2008 | 04:17 pm

I've been trying to determine the author of this painting and the name of it.
Can't be Eros and Psyche - no wings on Eros
Can't be Orpheus and Euridice - the guy has no lyre.
Can't be Apollo and Daphne - the girl seems too willing to come along with the guy.
Who are they? Any ideas?

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Если бы дети имели свой форум

Dec. 29th, 2007 | 08:29 am
mood: amusedamused

По следам "мамочковых" форумов:
"Пытается накормить меня цветной капустой: как реагировать?!"
"Потрошим бельевой ящик, разоряем цветочные горшки, купаем игрушки в унитазе: как ещё развлечь мамочку?"
"Не какал всего 2 дня, как спастись от трубочки, Дюфалака, клизмы и т.п.?"
"Сос!!!! Мама всю ночь спит!"
"Поход в районную поликлинику. Накипело"
"Не дает разбрасывать кошачий наполнитель.Как реагировать?"
"Укладывает спать в 9 вечера.Как бороться?"
"Хочу ходить всегда голым.Почему мама против и одевает?"
"Почему меня не любят кошки?"
"Мои голопопые фотки в интернете. Как с эти бороться?"
"Отдых за границей. А стоит ли брать с собой родителей?"
"Игра на губе и другие способы творческого самоывражения"
"Почему пачки салфеток хватает только на половину комнаты и где мама держит вторую?"
"Почему родители не дают плескаться в унитазе?"
"Зачем собирать пирамидку???"
"Требуется инструкция по разборке пылесоса!"
"Как часто вам запихивают новую гадость в рот с радостным "ааааам"?"
"Техника плача - от жалобы до каприза".
"Мама уже нашла мне жениха. Что делать?"
"5 невест. сколько должно быть у порядочного мужчины десяти месяцев?"
"Что должна уметь мама в 27 с половиной лет?"
"Я в контакте!!!"
"Первый выход в люди. Вся правда об этом ужасе"
"Что подарить маме на НГ ? заснуть до 12 ночи, или не спать до 1 ночи?"
" Титя отдельно от мамы- такое возможно?"

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Disconnectivity

Dec. 19th, 2007 | 12:01 pm

There is a nice Italian restaurant here in town. It's one of the premium dinner spots, with realy nice interiors and great food. My husband and I like to have a Friday dinner there every once in a while, enjoy some time together and have a conversation.

On our last visit, about 5 minutes after we arrived, a young couple came in. I didn't see any wedding rings, so I assumed they were having a date dinner or something like that. They sat down across the aisle from us. The waiter got their order for beverages. What happened next was so strange to me that I still keep thinking about it. The two young people whipped out their cell phones and started pressing the buttons. I guess they were texting. I hope they weren't texting each other. Not a single word or look was exchanged until the food arrived in 15 minutes. They started eating picking up the phones every now and then to press some more buttons. When they were done, the guy paid the bill, they got up and left. That was probably the oddest thing I have observed in a while.

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Wolf Eats Dog

Dec. 12th, 2007 | 01:26 pm

This is going to be another one of my 'only in Alaska' tags (although, come to think of it, it could, probably, happen in Yellowstone, since it's been repopulated with wolves)

From what I hear there is a pack of wolves living in the Anchorage area. It's known the Elmendorf pack because it's been sighted around the AFB several times. It consists of a black alpha wolf and five grey wolves. In the past two weeks the pack killed two and injured three pet dogs while their owners were walking them. According to the biologists, the wolves are becoming more brazen because we haven't had much snow lately ( it's hard to believe that on Dec 14 there's still no snow - last year at this time it was up to my waist!) and moose dinners are getting more difficult to get, that it the wolves can't bog a moose down in snowdrifts and make them and easier tardet as they normally would, because a moose can run fast and kick hard ona clear ground.

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no title, just venting

Dec. 12th, 2007 | 01:34 am

It's not like students need to be ripped off any more than they are being ripped off right now. The school raises tuition by 7% every year, the school charges all sorts of BS fees every semester and now the bookstore will not buy my textbooks back because I lost a couple of those worthless CDs that usually come with them. Usually I open them just to see if they are worth my time. More often than not they aren't, so I stick them somewhere out of the way and just study from the text book. This semester out of several CDs I used one, which I'm going to keep, as well as the rest of the discs, because I'm keeping the textbooks. But I do have a chemistry textbook ($150 new) and Normal and Clinical Nutrition ($120 new).  With the CDs the bookstore will buy them back for $80. Without the CDs they are worth a whopping $0.00 - can anyone imagine that? Never mind that every single thing on those CDs can be found on the publisher's textbook website. You've got to have the discs to be able to sell the books back.

I did find the chemistry CD, but the nutrition one, I think, is lost forever - it's from a few semesters ago, so I guess I'm not getting my $80 on that one.

I'm not even going to start on new editions coming out almost every semester, because that is just as ridiculous as this  CD deal the bookstore has going.

 Is this frustrating or what?

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Drunken Moose

Dec. 11th, 2007 | 03:14 pm

No, it is not the name of a local bar.
Aparently, the moose ate too many fermented crab apples from a tree ( they can be found virtually everywhere in Anchorage - both moose and crabapples:). Being a little tipsy from his dinner, he got himself tangled in Christmas lights and  eventually parked himself in the front yard of a downtown bar until he sobered up a little. More @ Anchorage Daily News

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In a pregnant woman's shoes

Dec. 10th, 2007 | 04:32 pm

When a woman is expecting she becomes extremely needy: she whines a  lot and complains that her husband is not paying enough attention to her. All of a sudden, she is having strange desires, which, for some reason, must be fulfilled immediately as they appear. She refuses to understand that her condition is natural and that millions of women have been pregnant, had their babies and lived to tell about.

There is only one way to understand what is happening to your wife - spend some time in her shoes. 


Follow the suggested exercise routine during the time your spouse is pregnant and your beloved will no longer be a mystery to you. Good luck!

1st trimester
1. Every night poison yourself - e.g. drink lots of vodka and beer without any food.
2. The morning after take a sleeping pill and go to work. If you are too nauseated - call in sick, but make sure the dinner is cooked and the house is clean
3. Before leaving  the house put a dead mouse into your breast pocket and never take it out.
4. Attach 3lb sandbags to your ankles.
5. You are not supposed to eat this, are you crazy? You can' t eat that either. Have an apple.
6. Put out that cigarette, are you totally nuts?
7. Lay down and have a yogurt.
8. If you vomit, clean up after yourself. Don't call your wife for help, she's busy.
9. Visit your proctologist monthly.
2nd trimester
1. Tie a water mattress to your belly.
2. Don't take it off if you need to get dressed, try putting your shoes on with the mattress attached.
3. Sleep with the mattress attached. What do you mean "How?" - on your side!
4. Don't forget to take a sleeping pill in the morning!
5. Drink a liter of water before leaving for work.
6. Drink another liter of water and take a water pill before going to bed.
7. Insert cotton balls into your nose, not so as to obstruct air passages, but to have some difficulty breathing.
8. Having difficulty breathing? Air you room!.
9. Visit  your proctologist monthly. Do not remove the mattress.

3rd trimester
1. Every morning spin yourself on an office chair for 10 minutes. When your vestibulary apparatus gives up completely, get up and get ready for work. What, you feel dizzy? Don't worry, it'll pass.
2. Inflate your mattress some more.
3. Take a water pill,  drink a glass of water every hour while at work.
4. Try not to leave your workplace too often. Be upbeat and productive all day. If  you manage that too well, take another sleeping pill.
5. Increase the weight of the ankle sandbags. Make them 4 lbs each.
6. At night, without removing the water mattress go to bed and be an amazing lover!
7. If it seems to you that you wife is seeing someone else - show understanding
8. Pay more attention to your wife. You must understand - she's suffering too!
9. Visit your proctologist biweekly. Of course, with the mattress attached, what kind of question is that?

We are not going to do the "labor and delivery" exercise. Just visit your proctologist for the 20th time and have him insert an orange up your....you know.... Now - breathe....You've managed to push it out? Good job!  You can now remove the dead mouse from your pocket and untie the mattress.


PS: This is a translation from Russian, if somebody has ever seen the original in English, which, I'm sure exists somewhere, I'd love to have it

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